To My MOM
A mother’s heart and affection towards her children are so important. How often as an adult have you asked her opinion or called her because you were sad? You know she will always try her best to make your life easier and happier.
I have known so many people, as everyone else. I always felt it sad to see the estrangement between a grown child and their mother.
I lost my Mom long ago. We did so many things together, going to places, such as dancing parties, restaurants, movie theaters, some concerts and such. We talked a lot together at home as well.
My beliefs are way different than what most people conventionally think. Besides them, I also am a strong believer of afterlife. This has helped me a lot. To me, my Mom is still alive, just on another realm, and we are separated at this time, due to her passing.
I recall some advice my Mom suggested me. I was actually listening to her. Was I following all she expressed? Not always, since I was a nice rebel already. LOL – I was a good kid growing up though, not making any kind of issues in purpose. Being older, having more experience of life, I came to realize she was right on this or that, still my position on other topics are unchanged. We were not agreeing on everything, but on a lot of things though. I remember times we laughed so much that our belly hurt a lot!!!
I don’t know how she managed to occasionally just sit next to some people in the underground. We understood one another without to talk, except a few times, and I recall that one time especially… She sat next to a man who started playing with a knife, but she had not seen it. She was facing me. I did not know whether or not this man was deranged or dangerous, so I did not want to say anything that could have put my Mom in danger. I tried to have her sit somewhere else. Usually, she would have done so, but not on that particular time. Probably no other seats available, or she was fine where she was (unaware at the time of a potential danger). I think to remember I was standing up, so there might have not had that many seats left unoccupied. The Parisian underground can be full at some times, and all seats occupied. I said something like okay, our exit is next station. Same, normally, my Mom would have left, feeling it was odd I said such a thing, especially it was not our time to leave the wagon. Was my Mom not feeling good, in her own thinking, or very tired on that day? I cannot recall she was that tired though, but obviously did not pay as much attention as usual. I have to explain that it was in Paris, yes, at times we were so fatigued, and all we wanted was to get back home. It is not always that easy to deal with this conviviality for some or all the contrary this unfriendly crowd in the underground, shops, and people in the streets. Living in Paris, that is cosmopolitan, so known all over the world was such a wonderful experience for me. I could meet people from many countries, and it was highly enriching to my personal view. However, a city so loved internationally is a very busy town, thus is not always a stress-free scenario, since so many individuals all over. Paris is so rich in culture, history, and its architecture is absolutely beautiful. It also tells me, writing and thinking about that day, that maybe it was a personal experience we both had to live, her nearby a possible danger, and me unable to put her outside of this situation. Like what I do not judge any circumstance, because I guess that it had to happen that way. My Mom would have understood immediately usually, but not on that specific time, and I thought it was odd. I believe in destiny, that everything happens for a reason, and that things are meant to be. Contrary, I absolutely stopped believing in coincidences or good/bad luck, that I disagree completely with. For me, there is not such a thing so called “luck” (negative or positive) or/& coincidences. Finally, this uncomfortable and stressful episode of the man with his knife ended without him to attack my Mom. Thanks goodness!!!
I moved to the United States, long ago, hoping to see my Mom again (along with my Dad, and other people I had left shifting to my new and second country). It never occurred. I have never been able to see anyone ever again in-person. There are so many unforeseen events in life, that what we may have planned have to be postponed for later, then might not occur. My Parents were also planning to come to visit our household some day, but they have not been able to.
What I am attempting to say is we never know what will be the circumstances in the future, then all that was going to happen might not. I hope you have a wonderful mother/child relationship with your own mother, but even if you do not, I believe it is never too late to give it another try. I am an idealistic person, and whenever I decided something, I went for it, until my goals were fulfilled. This said, in the best possibilities, because there are events in life, or destiny, that are blocking the passage to them (like for instance, people passed away before you got to see them again). Depending of the given situations, of course, sometimes there is a waiting time between what is projected to arrive and the progress towards this goal. From my own perspective of life, I ended not to regret anything I have (not) done, because all wrong doors opened brought me to where I am now, and it is where I should be. Still, I wish there could have been a way to meet again, since phone, letters, cards, photos, gifts (I was not yet a minimalist at the time), and webcam (yep, we needed one at that moment) is not the same as enjoying time in-person together with the people we love. As I repeat, I do not regret anything anymore. I put this as feat that did not arise, that is all. Living with regrets is no longer part of my life, for the reason that it would be putting an obstruction to the achievement of distinct objectives for the years to go.
My Mom told me that I was the most (female) Parisian of the (female) Parisians!!! You have no idea how valuable it was for me!!!
When I was a child at school, I was forced to go, of course. When after school hours, I was seeing my Mom waiting for me in front of my school(s), my face was starting to illuminate. I could be the “real me” again. By “real me”, I am expressing I could be with whomever I felt like to be, and not trapped in a building for long hours with peers I was already too different from. I remember my Mom was coming with a snack ready for me, sometimes candies or chocolate candies too, icy fruit tubes, or we were going together to purchase them in a little shop at other times, even a surprise pocket. For those from other countries than France reading this, you may not know what it is. It was a sort of wrapping paper or not in the shape of a sort of long cone with little toys in it and candies, but we did not know what were in the surprise pocket until we opened it. In French, it’s a “pochette surprise”. Some kids were really jealous of me, because their mother was working and could not be waiting for them, so they were resentful to me to have a mother coming to pick me up after school. Some other kids, not jealous a bit for those ones, even kissed my Mom on the cheeks (life the French do), because she was cool. I am the one who should have been jealous, but I do not remember that I was. Their mother was not able to come to pick them up, or only once-in-a-while for certain of them, and my Mom was always there. I was not jealous, but sorry they could not get to experience the privilege I had. They walked with us at times, and until it was time for them to go their way, since they had to take another direction to go back to their home. At school, you need to listen and to interact with other kids your age, so I did, but mostly just because I did not have much choice over there. I wanted to be very studious at school, because I wanted my Mom especially be proud of me, and not to cause any troubles for my Parents. I was already preferring the adult world. I must have been crazy to believe the adult world was more beautiful than the childhood. I had been warned by adults to enjoy my childhood as much as I could, because it would all change eventually. I was always around a lot of adults once outside grade school, and rarely around other kids my age. There were a lot of children at recess at school though, naturally… I just thought that being an adult, I could do everything I wanted to do my way. Anyway, as a child, even if I had my own ideas already, I was pretty much listening to everything, and I was doing them the right way others were expecting me to do most of the time!!! Still, I was already showing growing up some rebel signs, as I have to repeat it again… As an adult, I just decided to follow a path more unusual to most, like moving abroad, being a vegan, etc.. I do not regret anything done a bit, because it was meant to be. I always wished I could have brought my Paris with me to the US though!!! But, I had to decide between my French capital or my late Husband. Paris did not belong to me only, but to numerous people, actually to nobody at all, since it’s a place. I could keep my memories of Paris in my heart and mind forever. However, I would choose my late Husband all over again if I was given this wonderful and exceptional opportunity. That was a great privilege to have known him as well.
All I am trying to say is, please, do not delay to say to people how much you love them, because we never know when it will be the last time we actually can tell them. And, nowadays, all is so much easier. For example, my Parents did not have a computer. When I saw them on the webcam, it’s because they happened to be invited by someone else who possessed a PC and a webcam.
A mother, parents have their way to tell us things at times, and it is not to bother us, but because they might have gone through this or that, and want to avoid us to experience something negative. Maybe our destiny “forces” us to get through these situations anyway though. Who knows!?! I am a mother too, and I do the exact same with my son. Although, I was pretty free, most of the time, to do whatever I wanted to do growing up, deciding later on who I wanted to date, etc., so I let my son to be the judge of his own life, and to let him live it the way he wants it to be. I won’t interfere at all with it, until he does the things legally, and he is honest with other people. That is all that counts to me, besides his happiness, health, and such. I do not feel it is my place to say to another adult (even so young) what to do. I am here for guidance or advice, if needed, but I am not pushy in any direction, because it is not my life to live, but his, so I only give the negative and the positive I see from the same situation or given topic, nothing else. The difference of generation might make it harder to many people to really comprehend the real motive of saying this or that (the parents to their children or contrary the child/en to their parent(s). One can take many years to realize or change their position on this subject or that one. It may take experience of life as well.
Also, we know our mother as a mother before all, but a mother is an individual, and we should try to be non-judgemental with our mother (our parents) especially, but actually with anybody else from close or far, because we do not know at 100% what another person has in their head, why they react that way about a given topic, or how they feel. They may have their own experiences they want to talk about, but other ones they prefer to keep for themselves. I learned to become a non-judgemental woman in the majority of the cases.
Since I believe in the life after life, and it engages only myself, I want to kiss my Mom very tightly. Thank you so much for having shown me the right path to take in life! Even if mine is very unconventional, still it is a honest way to life my existence.
People who have known you keep repeating me that my appearance looks like yours, and that I even have your voice. You almost could have cloned me!!! I am very proud of being linked so closely by some people to you. On some pictures (of course at different periods of time), when we were about the same age, it is sort of strange to view your photos, because I know it is not me in them, still it seems like it was me!!! It could be confusing to some people!!! Hahahahaha!!!
And this text is written in your favorite color, pastel blue.
Until we meet again, kiss Dad. Also, tell my Husband I kiss him as well as all of my pets with him. Take care, Angel Mom!!!
From “La plus Parisienne des Parisiennes”
[The most (female)Parisian of the (female) Parisians]
